Out of the darkness and into the light

Honestly, I have no idea what the title should be, so just bear with me, ok?

The other day I was joking with hubby about “other women”. You know, the typical “don’t go picking up other women on boys night” silliness. I joked that I don’t share and even when I die, I would haunt him. He told me to have fun with that. And that it seems like too much effort.

I was quite taken aback by that and asked him to clarify. He informed me he would be too busy for women. So, uh, he has plans for after my death, does he? And then he explains. “I’ll be too busy raising our daughter!”

Now, my first response was that I’m not dying tomorrow! I was talking old age here. Since then, I’ve been thinking about it more.

My father could not live without a woman. I’m not sure what exactly ha did after his first divorce, other than run away, but after he and my mom divorced he ran back to his mother. Then he quickly remarried. His child was never his first concern, because he was completely lost without the guidance of a dominant woman. In the end, my father and I became estranged and when he died two years ago, I hadn’t spoken to him in 18 months. I didn’t even know he was sick, because my step-mother viewed me as a threat. (That’s a rant not meant to be put in writing)

My husband, conversely, recognises the hardship of single parenting and views it’s challenges as more important than new romance. Rather than the aim of wanting to provide our daughter with a replacement parent if it ever comes to that, his aim is to provide her with a fully present remaining parent.

Maybe it’s because I feel I lost my dad the day he remarried, but that means a lot to me.